It’s hard to believe! I just had my final dress fitting at Alfred Angelo last week! The event that we have been talking about since before our tenth anniversary (which was about seven years ago, by the way) is upon us! My dream of wearing an actual wedding gown is coming to fruition and not only that; I will be standing on the beach of Disney’s Polynesian Resort! Somebody pinch me!
The little details are falling into place. My daughters and I just spent an evening creating our own small pocket books to carry our lip gloss and other essentials from ceremony to Victoria and Albert’s. We also made our own barefoot sandals, since we really don’t want to wear shoes on the beach!
I am beginning to feel the reality of the situation. I have spent so long dreaming of this day as if it would never come and now that it’s here, I have a lot running through my mind. It occurred to me like waking from a horrific dream coming true that the twenty pounds I gained since last summer are here to stay for this ceremony. At first, I was quite upset at myself for allowing this to happen. I went in for my last dress fitting and obviously they ordered me the wrong size gown because I was cinched in as tight as it would go and it still could have come in more. At this point there is no more time for alterations so the seamstress told me to “Eat! Eat!” A laugh bubbled out of me from somewhere deep within because the last thing I wanted to do was gain more weight! In a moment of sheer brilliance, I took this as a sign that I was meant to have the ceremony just as I am. Amazing how that one little thought can take away so much anxiety and self-disdain. I believe it is due time to see myself as beautiful, no matter what size I happen to be.
Well, epiphanies abound on the precipice of momentous occasions! It is now that I can reflect on all the years leading up to this event. How interesting to me to realize that it is this passage of time and experience, not dresses or Disney or even accepting myself as beautiful, which makes this day the sweetest. The fact is, at the ten-year mark of our marriage, I would have enjoyed a vow renewal, but I would not have had the appreciation I have today. We were mere newlyweds at that time! If I may be sincere, it took quite a bit of stretching, patience and love to get to the point we are today. This vow renewal is not so satisfactory because my husband and I have had a marriage of nothing but bliss. Contrarily, it is because there was a time that I honestly didn’t know if we would make it.
Coming through the dark days and out the other end gives you a feeling of courageousness and accomplishment! There were many days that my Bible was my only strength, and a fated sighting of a verse about being exactly where I was meant to be, was the only thing propelling me forward. It took many late night conversations; it took a lot of patience, faith, understanding and mutual respect. It took both of us knowing way down deep that we were good together despite what it looked like in present time. It took commitment and a remembrance of a promise we made to each other all those years earlier. Time. It also took some time.
These days, it makes me ecstatic to proclaim that I enjoy my husbands’ company! That is a nice quality in a marriage, I must say! I have a sneaking suspicion that my husband would agree! We can have conversations instead of quarrels, laughter instead of tears. We care for each other in times of stress or illness. I listen and support his dreams and ambitions and he does the same for me. He brings me flowers and I kiss him like I mean it!
And now, we get rewarded for our perseverance! We get a moment to stand up with our children in view of that majestic castle and recommit not only as a couple, but also as a family.