Hook! Hook, Hook, Hook, Hook, Hook. Hook? Hook.
Oh. You want to know what actually HAPPENED??
Pirate Hook is aboard the Jolly Roger, looking just like Hook should.
Hooray for the return of the leather coat, am I right?? It’s a dark and foggy night, and Hook is out and about on some nefarious business….delivering cakes to Peter Pan. HAHAHAHAHA. Love the cake reference. Anyway, they hear an ethereal voice singing a vaguely familiar tune, and become so entranced by it’s sound they almost run aground on some rocks, but are saved at the last moment because the voice stops singing. Naturally, the voice belonged to the most evil and dangerous creature of all, a mermaid. The daughter of Poseidon (played by Ernie Hudson!), no less, the teenage Ursula. Ursula and her mother apparently used to sing together all the time, until Ursula’s mom was killed by humans….now Poseidon only allows her to sing to try to lure sailors to their death. Ursula is not happy with that status quo, she only wants to sing to keep her mother’s memory alive.
In Storybrooke, Ursula is taking a break from torturing August to listen to some opera. Cruella yanks her back inside, though, and Regina brings out a fireball to intimidate everyone’s favorite wooden boy. She manages to get August to confess that he learned about the Author from the Dragon in Hong Kong, a couple of seasons ago. Gold is not completely convinced that August is on the up and up, and says he’s going to search August’s trailer for evidence to support his claims. Regina tosses the fireball into the fireplace, and, unobserved, uses a nifty bit of witchcraft to send a smoke monster out into the woods, where it finds the Scooby Gang, inhabits Snow, and, in Regina’s voice, tells them everything she’s learned, including the fact that Gold is back.
The Gang goes to break the news to Belle and get the dagger from her, and they realize that Gold disguised himself as Hook and got it back himself. David is determined to rescue August, but Hook says he’s going to go get Ursula on their side, by giving her the happy ending she is looking for.
Back in the cabin, Regina takes advantage of a quiet moment to ask August about the drawing of her and Robin from the book. All of a sudden, Ursula gets up and says she has to go for a walk…turns out Hook is out in the woods calling her like a dog, with a conch shell that apparently only she can hear. She’s not happy to see him, but when he reveals that he still has whatever it is he stole from her, she’s happy to make a deal.
Back in the Enchanted Forest, teenage Ursula is dressed in a very fairy tale-ish dress, singing a lovely version of “Fathoms Below” in a pub for a bunch of sailors and pirates. Hook approaches her and offers to buy her a drink in thanks for saving his ship. She explains that she stole an enchanted bracelet from her father that allows her to have legs, and ran away. All she wants to do is sing, and Hook encourages her, saying her voice can soothe even the most tormented soul, like his. She says she is seeking passage to a place her mother was happy, and he says he will take her aboard the Jolly Roger.
Hook and Ursula are on the Storybrooke docks, and Hook tells Ursula he needs her to open a portal and bring the Jolly Roger through, as what he took from her is aboard. Ursula does as he asks, but they are both chagrined to see the Jolly Roger bob to the surface, trapped in a bottle. Well, he’s chagrined. She’s amused.
Once again in the Enchanted Forest, Hook leaves the pub only to be attached and dragged aboard….the Jolly Roger? It would seem Poseidon is waiting there to tell him that no WAY is Hook taking his daughter anywhere. He gives Hook a familiar-looking enchanted seashell, and tells Hook to steal Ursula’s voice so that she won’t be tempted to leave. Hook refuses, but Poseidon tempts him with squid ink, the perfect way for Hook to destroy the Dark One once and for all. Hook’s black pirate heart is clearly very tempted.
In Storybrooke, Hook and Ursula go to Gold’s shop in search of Will Scarlet (I STILL don’t understand why Belle is running Gold’s shop instead of the library. Isn’t that kind of like, I dunno, STEALING?) because Hook thinks Will must have something from Wonderland that can restore the ship. Meanwhile, Regina is off on a walk through the woods herself, when she runs into ROBIN! They are in the midst of a joyful reunion when Regina-as-Evil-Queen interrupts them and *poof* Regina actually was dreaming the whole thing. She wakes up just as Gold returns to the cabin with a potion he stole from the fairies to restore August to his wooden form. It doesn’t last long, but the old, Pinocchio’s nose grows when he lies feature is back. Gold holds August to the fire, and questions him repeatedly as his nose grows closer and closer to the flames. August finally cracks, and tells him about the drawing of the door and all that…but you can see that August is very carefully answering the questions so that he is being truthful, yet not revealing too much. And he pretty readily gives up Regina, saying Regina knows all about the illustration of the door. She says she gave all of August’s junk to Henry, so Gold makes August describe the door. August says, “All I know is it’s somewhere in Storybrooke.” Gold figures the door must be in the mansion, and takes Maleficent and Regina off to search for it.
At the docks, Ursula uses a potion made from Wonderland mushrooms that apparently makes things grow. After Hook quips about giant squid in the harbor, she doses the ship and the Jolly Roger is restored to all it’s glory. I’m so happy for my favorite pirate!
Flashback to Hook telling Ursula that her father asked him to betray her by stealing her voice. He promises never to take her voice, and asks Ursula to steal some squid ink from her father’s vault for him, so that they can both get what they want.
Aboard the ship in present day, Hook returns to seashell to Ursula, but she fails to restore her singing voice. Ursula is devastated, saying Hook was wrong, villains can’t have happy endings. He says it’s not his fault that her magic didn’t work, she is still bound to tell him what she knows about Gold’s plan. She refuses, and he pulls a GUN on her, demanding she fulfill her end of the bargain because he is determined to defeat Gold once and for all. But Hook is no match for a woman with eight hands, and telling him he’s nothing but a selfish pirate, she smacks the gun out of his hand, knocks him out, and dumps him overboard. Luckily, our favorite mermaid happens to be swimming by, and she rescues the unconscious Hook before he can drown. Ariel drags Hook aboard the Jolly Roger, and she reveals she was trapped in the bottle along with the Jolly Roger, which was imprisoned by Elsa because Blackbeard was using the ship to terrorize Arendelle. A little convoluted, but…okay. As long as Elsa’s not coming back, we’re good. Ariel suggests to Hook that villains don’t get happy endings because they go about them the wrong way, and he asks for her help.
Back to teenage Ursula….she successfully steals squid ink from her father for Hook, but Poseidon follows her to the ship and takes it back. Hook is so mad, he takes his vengeance on Poseidon by stealing Ursula’s voice after all, devastating Ursula who dives overboard. Poseidon demands that Hook surrender the sea shell, but Hook refuses, saying he won’t give Poseidon the satisfaction of being the one to return it to her.
Emma, Snow and Charming burst into Gold’s cabin, overpower Cruella, and rescue August. Ursula arrives and puts Snow in a stranglehold, telling Emma that Hook is shark bait.
One last flashback, to teenage Ursula back on her rock, with Poseidon trying to make amends. She steals his trident and turns herself into the angry octopus we know and love, and tells Daddy he doesn’t need to protect her, he needs to fear her.
Hook arrives at the cabin, and Ursula is not happy to see him alive. He says she’s wrong, she doesn’t need the Author to get her happy ending, and that only the person who enchanted the shell can release her voice from it. And in walks her Daddy, courtesy of that resourceful mermaid Ariel, who brought him through the portal to make amends with his darling daughter. He restores Ursula’s voice, they reconcile, and just like that, Ursula is happy to help our heroes. But they’ve been standing around chatting so long, no one managed to notice Cruella getting up and walking away (seriously? This is like, a TINY cabin, currently crammed full with SEVEN adults. How did they not see her get up and leave? She would have had to walk straight through them! Can Cruella disapparate or something?) Anyway, they all head out, leaving Hook and Emma to have a deep conversation about Authors and books and happy endings, and how scared Hook is to lose his….Emma. Gah! Smooches.
Gold, Regina and Mal are leaving the mansion, having NOT found the door, when Cruella screeches up and tells them the heroes rescued August, and it’s all the fault of the mole in their midst…just as Regina breaks a sweat, Cruella names Ursula.
On the docks, Hook is bidding farewell to Ursula, who reveals the rest of Gold’s plan. She says the Author can’t change the book in this world, because he didn’t write it in this world. The only one who can change the endings is Emma, and Gold knows this, and plans to turn Emma evil so that she will work for the villains.
Regina goes to the loft tells Emma about her dream, saying she thinks the Evil Queen was there to protect Robin, not hurt him. She asks Emma to try to find a phone number or some way to reach Robin. August comes to, and Regina tells him she’s a spy, and she is there to steal the illustration of the door. August says he didn’t lie about where the door is, the illustration of the door IS the door, and the Author is trapped in the book.
Yeah! I’m totally HOOKed again! Are you loving it? Tell me what you think!