James D. (NDD#152) (8 Posts)

A happily-married father of 4 children, James is a lifelong Disney nut. Ever since he found a map of the Magic Kingdom on his aunt's refrigerator over 25 years ago, he has been obsessed with planning trips to Walt Disney World, whether those trips were for himself or for others. This obsession led to the founding of MousePlanning.com which provides concierge-level custom itineraries for people traveling to Walt Disney World.


“I’ve had it with these kids!”

It’s not usually something that prospective parents anticipate occurring when they decide to have multiple children, but sibling squabbles are a common occurrence. From a petty squabble over who gets to sit next to mommy at dinner to a fist-throwing fracas because someone doesn’t want to share a favorite toy, the constant bickering between brothers and sisters can eventually take its toll upon the parents.

It certainly did in my household. My nine year old daughter Amy had developed a habit of putting down her 6 year old sister Laura. No matter what Laura did, Amy found fault in it and seemed to relish pointing it out. After many unsuccessful attempts to restore harmony to my daughters’ relationship, I realized that my reactions were becoming as out of control as my children. I needed to do something different. I had to find some way to change Amy’s heart.

My opportunity came one afternoon as I was out with Amy running some errands for my wife. As we were singing along to “There’s a Great Big Beautiful Tomorrow,” inspiration hit me. I began with a leading Disney knowledge question: Why is it called “Walt Disney World” and not just “Disney World,” especially since Walt died before they even began building it?

What followed was my opportunity to passionately relate the story of Roy Disney’s visit to Walt’s hospital bed where he lay dying of lung cancer, of Roy’s commitment to Walt that he would see that the Florida project through to completion, of how Roy put off his own retirement to honor that commitment, and of how Roy decided to change the name to Walt Disney World in honor of his brother. I explained to her how this was typical of Roy Disney. He was always there to support his brother Walt, and Walt knew that he could always count on his brother, even to the end. That’s when I closed in for the kill.

“Amy, do you think that we’d have Disney World today if Roy had treated his younger brother Walt like you’ve been treating your sister Laura?”

The look on Amy’s face told me clearly that my analogy had made a tremendous impact. After nearly 20 seconds of heavy silence came Amy’s whispered response. “No.”

The results of our little discussion were amazing. Amy simply stopped being obstructive to her sister’s efforts, and even began offering words of encouragement with frequency. While she still has the occasional argument over some minor issue, the berating attitude towards Laura has disappeared.

Even more importantly, I came to a realization of my own. It seems that in my attempts to correct Amy’s behavior, I was merely reacting to the circumstance. Her actions were upsetting my image of myself as a good parent, and I became frustrated and angry. My actions taken with that attitude were not helpful. But when I took the time to create an emotional moment with my daughter, I made discipline into a learning experience for her.

Will I be able to repeat my success when other disciplining issues arise? I’m confident that I can, because I know there’s always a Disney story to help create an emotional moment.

Contributed by: James D. (NDD#152). James is our resident relationship expert and creator of Mouse Planning.

3 thoughts on “DISNEY DRIVEN DISCIPLINE

  1. Amazing post! My kids are 5, 4 and 2, so I haven’t had to face any berating, just arguments over who was using which toy first or who gets the blue cup (why do I have cups of all different colrs and only 1 of each!). I’ll consider myself lucky for the moment, but as they get older, this is a story I will remember. What an amazing emotional connection you gave your daughter to see the situation with her sister. Thank you for sharing!

  2. Wow James,

    totally different way to learn from disney, I think that is a great to the heart way of us as parents to learn and to also teach our childern so it shows you that it was a win- win situation.

    I have to tell you, I started reading this book titled “The American Original Walt Disney” by Bob Thomas and in it Roy & Walt were always close but they did not always seem eye to eye, but the care that they had for each other was deeper than any of us will know.

    Thank you for sharing!
    Shelley

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