Every Neurotic Disney Person knows that there are unspoken commandments for conducting a perfect Disney trip, known as The Sacred Seven.  These are laid out with the specific intention of guiding one through the ideal, neurotic vacation, which in turn creates the desired, addictive fascination with Disney.  Such laws are necessary not only for the sake of Disney devotion but also for the promotion of good mental health that is created by the euphoria of being in Disney.

1.  Thou shalt play only Disney music when en route to Disney.

It is very important to play Disney music on the way to Disney.  It helps one get excited about arriving there.  Think of how wrong it is to see the huge, welcoming, Disney banner and pass under it while listening to something that is not Disney related.  Such blasphemous practices can’t be tolerated.

2.  Thou shalt ride the monorail when in Disney.

Riding the monorail is a rite of passage for all memebers of the NDP community.  You cannot say that you have “done” Disney if you have not been on the monorail.  Any trip that excludes transportation by this iconic emblem is considered invalid in the eyes of a NDP and is not tolerated under any circumstance.  So in order to validate trips in Disney, this event is a mandatory one.

3.  Thou shalt arrive at the theme park before the gate opens.

When a NDP is finally granted a few precious days in the motherland, it is essential to maximize every Disney minute, and efficiency is parmmount.  There are various strategies and tactics utilized to accomplish this, but being at the theme park before it opens is of particular importance since it allows you to indulge in Disney bliss at the earliest possibility.

4.  Thou shalt not repeat a ride until each one has been experienced.

Many months of analysis have led to a carefully devised strategy for completing all desired activities during our few hours of Makgic Kingdom bliss.  This strategy does not include repeating the same attractions over and over.  If rides are repeated according to whim, there might be rides left at the end of the day that were never enjoyed.  The rationale that Disney gives pleasure in an unorganized fashion–that one can enjoy the magic as it just happens to present itself–is flawed.  One must plan for it, seek it out and adhere to the schedule!

5.  Thou shalt not reject a ride until it has been personally experienced.

Fear of the unknown is often a large obstacle when it comes to Thrill Ride virgins.  But in the life of a NDP, nothing is permitted to stand in the way of having a full knowledge of Disney attractions.  For this reason, rejecting a ride based purely on speculation or anticipated displeasure is forbidden.

6.  Thou shalt be photograped with Mickey Mouse when in Disney.

Meeting Mickey Mouse, pinching his nose and being engulfed in his plush embrace is the climax of every Disney trip.  In order to honor this sacred moment as well as permanently affix it in the minds, hearts and scrapbooks of a person’s Disney heritage, it is essential to capture this precious time on film.  Overlooking this critical tenet could cause post-traumatic Disney stress disorder, leaving residual and irreversible damage.

7.  Thou shalt not exit the park until forced to do so.

‘Nuff said.